Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
