its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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