for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
