I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just had sex bonerless
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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