Cold hands, warm shart.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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