Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
