Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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