Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
