Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
