i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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