found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
