i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
