yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Its about making memories worth repressing
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
