I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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