if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
