Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
third nipple confirmed
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
