your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
