Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
