I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
