So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
