You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
