so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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