he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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