I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So many bounce houses so little time
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
