There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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