You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
