These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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