it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
