So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
