I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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