She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I got inside last night via doggy door
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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