is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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