wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize