just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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