i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think I have vodka in my lungs
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
