I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
