That's when you crack a 10am beer
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
