Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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