I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
