it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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