A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
