His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
