I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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