Farmville is her only friend.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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