Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
