i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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