please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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