pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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