he wants to bone in the snuggie
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
