why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
