i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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