The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he puts the penis in happiness.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize