hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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