I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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