It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
