I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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