So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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