This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This is the high leading the old right now
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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