If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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