I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
