I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
