2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
