Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
