I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
