I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Jerry, you need to find god
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
porn star boner night. come get it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
