gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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