i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
