Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
